ok, so i was in the optimistic phase when last blogged, still needed certain outcome (for our business to recover) so couldn't talk about what all was happening..... now here we are, even lost my teeth and health in addition to our business and home during this recession that has changed our lives so dramatically....
with nothing left to lose (while acknowledging the need to protect my family's privacy), gonna say what i mean and mean what i say, dementia at age 47 due to medical causes and coming to terms with "getting my affairs in order" has it's benefits in that i have become brutally honest and less concerned with what "people might think".... guess that's no surprise to those who really know me....
as a complication from a gastric bypass 5 years ago, i am unable to absorb the nutrition and minerals needed to sustain life through my digestive tract, it took almost 5 years (most of which was with $2500/month insurance) to pick up what was wrong...
as i complained about being worn out, exhausted, memory and concentration issues, we chalked it all up to the stress of running a demanding business and our big family, when in retrospect it is clear to see that i have literally been depleted of such basics as iron over an extended period of time.... now staying alive depends on continued iron infusions which depend on the continued benevolence of the drug companies without comprehensive health coverage.....
lack of oxygen has obviously caused damage in that all of my teeth died, am unable to be "up" for over 15-20 mins at a time, have chest pain most days and can't breathe if i get the least bit hot, am on a pain patch reserved normally for those in the late stages of cancer....
so if i come across as angry or frustrated on "political issues" like the right to healthcare, that's where it's coming from, the "system" in america hasn't worked, all i can do now is my part to bring about the needed changes by being brave enough to be honest and put a face, even if it's toothless, out there so people can see themselves in our shoes....
hopefully i can help give folks out there who are being manipulated by their fears a path to conscious living, of having the courage needed to live with the compassion espoused in churches every sunday to the real victims of our economic tsunami.... personally it appears too late for me, a lot of damage is already done, but it's what i've got to share out of all this mess....
i can't know for sure but i would be willing to place a bet that there are thousands and thousands of folks out there "circling the drain" without their families even knowing... for the past year, i've wished i could be the little birdie on the shoulder of anyone who would care enough to come to my funeral to please come visit me now, not out of obligation to me or because i need anything from them, but truly not wanting to leave anybody behind who would have regrets or guilt, been there done that got the tshirt on that one, don't want anybody there saying "i wish i had known" or "didn't have a clue"
i was taught well to never openly talk about politics or religion, but now its personal.... as i try to reassure our 9 year old that everything's gonna be ok when it's obviously not, it's new territory for all of us from this point forward, whether or not we wanted to take this trip or not, it is what it is...
